Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Skinny Drawer

Today I went into the "skinny" drawer. Every woman has one - it is full of clothes that have been kept for that day in the future when she finally loses the weight and can get back into the clothes of the past.

I used to have three of them. One for clothes that will "hopefully fit soon", one for clothes that were a size down, and one for clothes that were two-three sizes down.

I purged those drawers about a year ago, thinking that I would never get down to those hopeful sizes, and condensed those three drawers down to one. That one drawer has some pants that I just didn't want to part with. I figured it wasn't too horrible to store those clothes, even thinking I would never be in them again.

During the time of the purge, I was an 18W. To be honest, I was larger than that, but refused to get rid of my worn jeans because I couldn't find ones anymore that fit me in that size, and I absolutely refused to go up yet another size; I told myself that "when I felt better" I could start working out, and wouldn't have to. This thought process continued for years as I battled through feeling ill all the time. Still I refused to go up a size, holding onto my thin, shabby jeans, and promising myself I could get more as soon as I could fit them again.

I have few pictures from that time that aren't taken from above the waist - I hated how I looked in pictures, because that wasn't the me I remembered. The me I remembered was fit, and played soccer, and enjoyed being outdoors; it wasn't this horribly out of shape blob. I do have a picture that Jason took, as I was trying to sneak up on some deer (this is why I can't live outside of California - while I recognize and know the danger wild animals pose, when I am in a situation where I get close to one, my excitement overcomes me and I apparently lose that respect! It's a good thing I've never seen baby bears up close in the wild - I'd be shredded by now!) This was me at my heaviest - only barely fitting into those 18Ws, and living in denial that I was any bigger than that.



Since being diagnosed and going gluten free, I've lost close to 30 pounds. I am not sure if it is my body letting go of all the inflammation, or that I have been able to become more active, or a combination of the two.

Today I saw the "skinny" drawer while putting away laundry and decided to see what was in there, and found these jeans, a size 14. Now, I am firmly in the size 16 category, something I am proud of; women's sizes go 18W, 18, 16W, 16, so I'm down 4 sizes since going gluten free. (It is really nice being able to go into a store, pick out a regular size, and know it will fit.)

Those 14s spoke to me though - they have sparkly bits on the back, and are the perfect dark jean, and I knew, as I pulled out the 16s from the skinny drawer to be added to the "jeans I can wear" in my closet, that I had to try them on.

(Please excuse the playroom mess, as there is no full length mirror in the master bedroom)

I have to say, I am super excited at the progress I am making. These are still a bit tight (in that they fit, but shouldn't go out for a huge dinner tight), but they can be added to the rotation, and not just shoved in a "skinny" drawer.  It's amazing to me that this time last year I was stubbornly refusing to go up to a 20W, wearing crappy threadbare jeans to get by, and donating a bunch of stuff because I would "never see that size again". Now I can wear that size. It's still not were I want to be, but progress is always so invigorating and inspiring. I can't wait to see where I will be a year from now, considering where I was a year ago.

4 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I myself lost 25lbs after being diagnosed celiac, and going gluten free 3 years ago. I feel much better and my fibromyalgia seems to be in hiding for the most part now. Keep up thr good work, and there is lots of good gluten free tasy food out there, It's our new lifestyle <3 Love ya Aunt Mary

    ReplyDelete
  2. FAN-DAMN-TASTIC. While the weight loss is great, mostly I am happy that you are comfortable in your own skin and feeling better. I LOVE YOU!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fabulous! You're amazing and beautiful. Inside and out! My dad, "Gramps" said when boys stare at pretty girls, they get freckles. Therefore, pretty girls are Freckles, therefore, I'm sure he'd say you are the Freckle Queen. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fabulous! You're amazing and beautiful. Inside and out! My dad, "Gramps" said when boys stare at pretty girls, they get freckles. Therefore, pretty girls are Freckles, therefore, I'm sure he'd say you are the Freckle Queen. Love you!

    ReplyDelete